Dying to be Loved
by Caffinated-Insanity
Summary: Raven is envious of Terra, everyone loves her even after what she did. What happens when that envy develops into an eating disorder and full blown jealosy.Will she be able to see her friends love her for who she is before her problem with food kills her.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Teen Titans; if you really thought I did own them you're a big stupid!

If you don't like dialogue like this:

Person 1: "blah blah blah"

Person 2: "More dialogue…"

Then stop reading right now because that's how people talk in my fics.

"These are for speaking"

'These are for thinking'

(this is for me adding comments)

KK, fiction starts now!

Raven bolted awake, another nightmare.

Trigon had been defeated for 3 weeks now but she could still hear his voice, see his face, and feel his very essence.

She turned to her alarm clock, 4:48am; she was usually up by 5:00am anyways so she got up and began getting dressed.

She stood in front of her mirror in her underwear, staring at herself.

Her weight had secretly been an obsession; it started right after Terra was turned to stone.

Everyone loved Terra, even after she betrayed everyone; she knew deep down everyone would prefer Terra was alive instead of her.

She poked her ribcage which was now sticking out as much as her hip bones.

She put her leotard on and grabbed her cloak as she left her room.

"I'm disgusting…"

She rode the elevator down to the main floor.

'Everyone still loves Terra, thin, pretty, sweet fucking i perfect /i. Terra. I guess I'll just never measure up…God am I ever dreary…'

She walked to the kitchen and grabbed some tea leaves from a small dish, putting them into a kettle full of water. She put the kettle on the stove and it began to heat up,

most people didn't make tea like this but for Raven the stronger the tea the better. She watched steam come from the spout, she put her hand over top feeling the warmth.

She had a small flashback from her nightmare "Ah" she grabbed her head "Dammit Father! Stay out of my head!" 'Why does he still have an affect on me, I defeated him, he's gone...maybe it's like Robin and Slade, even when he's gone he's never really is'

Her tea came to a boil so she took it off the stove, poured it into a cup and started drinking it.

"Raven?"

Raven turned to see who the voice belonged to, it was her green pointy-eared teammate, Beast Boy.

Raven: "Beast Boy? What are you doing up?"

He put his hand behind his head a little embarrassed.

Beast Boy: "I kinda crashed on the couch around 8:00 last night so I woke up early… What are you doing up? It's only like…"

Beast Boy turned and looked at the clock.

Beast Boy: "DUDE! It's 5:30!"

Raven nodded

Raven: "I'm usually awake around 5"

Beast Boy shook his head

Beast Boy: "You sure are strange.

Raven frowned

Beast Boy: "Not that it's a bad thing or anything! I like that you're a little strange, it's what makes you, you! If you think about it I'm pretty strange too! Being all green and all. Really e..."

Raven: "Its okay Beast Boy, I know I'm strange, hearing the truth really doesn't bug me."

Beast Boy's ears drooped; his animal instincts could sense she was upset, he really hoped it wasn't his doing. There was an awkward silence between the two that he i really /i wanted to break.

Beast Boy: "Hey! Look! The sun's coming up! Let's go watch!" 'Smooth Beast Boy, real smooth…'

Raven shrugged.

Raven: "Sure…"

That's it for now!

Comment and Rate!

Also, what do you think I should do?

Keep the ED or nix it?

I kinda want to keep it but I want to know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I've been told I'm not allowed to write in script format. Which sucks : (

I guess I'll try writing like a normal story. Sorry I haven't updated for months, I have problems of my own right now and I seem to be getting wrapped up in them.

Anyways, here's the story:

* * *

BeastBoy's ears perked up. "Really?" He asked. Raven shrugged, "I'm not doing anything, lets go." She began walking towards the elevator to the roof. She didn't want him to see the tiny smile on her face, the fact that he wanted to spend time with her made her happy. She didn't want him to know how much his friendship meant to her. She didn't know why, she just knew she didn't. BeastBoy smiled and ran after her, following behind her as she entered the elevator. When it reached the roof they both got out at the same time and stood by the edge of the roof in scilence. BeastBoy's fingers twitched, the scene of the rising sun was so romantic he really wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her tight, kiss her face. He sighed, she knew she wasn't interested in him that way. He turned his head to see her, her cloak was blown back by a warm wind ,the rising sun traced every fragment of her being, everything he never noticed. Her gently concaved stomach, a light outine of ribs on her front, side and back, visable hipbones, a protruding coller bone. 'I never noticed she was so thin...but, no, she wasn't this thin before...I mean, she was always thin but not like this...'

Raven felt his eyes on her, she looked down pretending not to notice, when she did she saw how well the sun showed how thin she was. 'Shit, I can't let him, or anyone else find out.' She grabbed her cloak and wrapped it around herself, acting like she was cold. 'He's not as dumb as I act like he is, if I give him the chance he will figure it out. And if he figures it out Robin'll probably end up knowing, I couldn't stand him knowing...' "Raven...If your cold we can go back inside..." Raven nodded, walking quickly to the elevator. Beastboy sighed, 'she's been acting funny lately..' and followed after her.

Raven looked at the floor, her heart racing 'What the hell is wrong with me? I really have to stop this, it's stupid!' She noticed that she'd been eating less and less since Malchior, but she refused to admit to herself that something as trivial as a broken heart could mentally damage her, infact, she barely allowed herself to admit she was effected by Terra and the way her entire team loved a traitor more than her.

Beastboy shuffled his feet 'this is aquward...ummm...I really can't think of anything to say though...' The elevator opened, letting them out into the main room. Robin was awake now and making breakfast for the entire team, as it was his turn to cook. He heard the elevator ding and looked out of the kitchen to see who was up. "Hey guys! Why are you up so early?" Raven shrugged "6:30 isn't early.." She brushed away hair that was sitting infront of her face, a few strands fell to the floor but she didn't seem to notice.Robin did however, but he chose not to say anything. Beastboy shrugged too "I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep." Robin nodded and went back to making breakfast.(It's pancakes if anyone really wants to know.) Raven floated into the kitchen, poored the rest of the tea kettle from earlier, and went up to her room to read.

"Beastboy.." Robin said "Have you noticed anything odd with Raven lately?"

* * *

That's where I'm ending it!

R&R!

PS: Raven doesn't want Robin to know because he'd pester her about it more than anyone else on the team.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 guys!

* * *

"Beastboy.." Robin said "Have you noticed anything odd with Raven lately?" Beastboy shook his head, then nodded. "I guess...not really more than usual..." Robin pointed to the Violet strands of hair on the floor, Beastboy looked at them, trying to find their importance. "She's...shedding?" Robin nodded "Every one sheds hair but not that much and not just spontaniously like that." Beastboy looked up "Like what?" Robin sighed. "You didn't notice? When she was standing here she moved her hair and some just fell out." Beastboy shrugged "So? You said everyone sheds?" Robin nodded, a little exasperated by his slow friend "Yeah, but no one just looses hair like that unless they're very sick, stressed, have an eating disorder or.." Beastboy cut him off "Old." Robin gave him a look that meant it was time for him to shut up. "But honestly Beastboy, maybe you should talk to her. Maybe you can figure out if something's wrong..." Beastboy shook his head. "Why would she tell me anything, if anyone should talk to her it's you." Robin nodded "I'll try, but I really think you're the one she'd talk to." He headed towards the elevator, then turned his head. "Watch the pancakes for me, Kay?"

Raven heard there conversation through the vent. 'No...please don't come up here. Just leave me alone, I'll deal with it by myself! I created this problem and I can get rid of it!' Then she heard a knock, sure enough, it was the boy wonder she was dreading. "Raven? Raven, open up! It's me, Robin." She sighed and answered the door, opening only a few inches.. "What is it?" She tried to make her voice emotionless, but it came out sounding a little scared, which Robin caught onto. "Raven, I need to talk to you" She nodded. "Go Ahead." This time her voice sounded a little steadier. "Look...I've noticed you've been acting a little strange." She shook her head "Robin, are you sure you're not just imagining things? This is me you're talking about." He looked in her in the eyes. "Raven, I know when something's wrong. Just tell me..." She shook her head "There's nothing to tell." "Okay, but if you ever want to talk, I'm here." She nodded and closed the tiny gap in the door.

Robin went back downstairs, Starfire was awake now. Beastboy looked at him, Robin shook his head and took over the pancake making. There was 5 huge plates of pancakes, Cyborg and Starfire had the most on their plates. When Cyborg finally woke up at 7:48 everyone sat around the table to eat. Cyborg looked at Beastboy "BB, You're actually up? Wow, it's not even noon yet!" Beastboy was going to defend himself, then he just shrugged, it was true. Starfire looked around "Where is Raven?" Beastboy stood up "I'll get her" and went up stairs.

Cyborg shook his head "BB's got it bad..." Starfire looked at him. "Beastboy has something bad?" Robin entered the conversation "No Star, having 'it bad' means liking someone." Starfire nodded "Then I have it bad for all of my wonderful friends!" Robin shook his head "Never mind..."

Beastboy reached Raven's door "Raven! Breakfast is ready! RAVEN!!!" He began pounding on the door. She opened it all the way, almost getting hit by one of his fists. He quickly put his arms behind him. "Come on Raven." She shook her head "I'm not really hungry at the moment." and began to close the door, Beastboy stopped it with his hand. "C'mon Raven, you could really affoard to eat something." She knew he was getting a lead on her disorder and decided to go along with him.

They got downstairs, Raven looked at her plate, 10 huge pancakes.

* * *

I'm stopping it there!

R&R!


End file.
